TIMEOUT!

During my lunch break at school today I got asked an interesting question which put me on the spot. Our eighth grade Health teacher asked if I would come in and talk to the female 8th grade students. I asked what she wanted me to talk to them about, her response left me trembling "dating and abstinence". I stopped and asked her to repeat herself, after she did she continued "are you okay with that? I thought it would be great if they had a male perspective on dating." After a few seconds I smiled and responded "i'd love to". I finished eating my lunch (which is at 10:30am, way too early for lunch) and said a quick prayer before entering the classroom. "God please don't let them ask about my past, I'd hate to dodge questions or even worse lie to the kids" The reality is we all have things from our past that we are ashamed of, things we have done, lines we have crossed or people we have hurt but this discussion wasn't about me, it was about the impression I would leave on these young 13 and 14 year old girls.

As I entered the classroom I could tell some of the girls felt a bit uneasy with my presence so the Health teacher described why I was there. She told them she wanted to give them a chance to hear a young, handsome mans perspective on dating (I may have thrown in the handsome part). The girls giggled as young girls do, and the teacher asked me her first question. "Mr. White do you currently have a girlfriend and if not how do you approach dating?" This was a tricky question because I cannot explain my dating life without mentioning my faith but then again I was not in this room to teach I was there for my opinion. I waited a moment and answered "I was dating until May of this year, that is when I decided to take the rest of the year off from dating and focus on my relationship with God, who He wanted me to be with and what kind of man I needed to become for my future spouse." They responded with a long "awwww"and asked what I discovered with this time off.

I told them " I realized I wasn't who God wanted me to be when I was dating, I was dating for the wrong reasons and until I decided to take that time to myself I never truly realized the type of woman I wanted to be with. I felt like I had to date because society tells us if we are single then there is something wrong with us (fact: people have asked me what is wrong with me or why i'm single). I never even took the time to ask God if he wanted me to date and when I did He told me to focus on Him and in return promised me someone beyond my expectations." At this point I felt like my opinion had turned into a sermon, maybe it was but to a group of young girls who are very easily influenced by society and culture, I did not let it stop me.

A shy girl sitting in the front asked what I thought about abstinence. I told her I think it is important, that we take any past mistakes and actions into our future relationships. I then asked the girls to raise their hands if they ever want to get married one day, fifteen out of the eighteen girls raised their hands. They then asked me if I ever plan on getting married. I shared with them that I do and that I plan on spending every day, every hour leading up to that relationship becoming the man she deserves. You may be reading this and saying he is just trying to impress these young girls, I assure you these kids can see right through you. They can spot a fake a mile away. Another girl raised her hand, "what type of girl do you look for then?". I smiled "Thats a great question." I started by telling them that I used to be only attracted to a woman's looks, personality and how she carries herself. As I look around I couldn't help but see how all their innocent faces were shaking their heads up and down.

I went on "but that is not what I look for now, I realize now I need someone with similar faith, values and beliefs. A woman who will support me no matter what, who refuses to give up on me, a woman with tremendous character." I reassured them that society will tell them that these things are important but not as important as the superficial things which is why I shared a story about society compared to reality. I pointed out how Hollywood and relationships in our culture end after a few months or years based on the things I was once attracted to but why did this change? I use to lead a counseling group of about nine or ten elders 82-96 years old. Many of these elders had marriages that lasted 50 or 60 years, I remember asking them how they made their marriages last so long, they responded "we had the same faith, values and beliefs." The elders reassured me that it takes hard work and that you have to fight for a marriage but with these three things you can have a long, happy marriage. Their smiles as they talked about their late spouses was all the proof I needed.

A student interrupted me "I was watching television show about this guy who cheated on his wife with a younger woman." I quickly reminded them how this is our culture today, society tries telling us how we should spend our money, free time and worst of all how we should view love. These children are very impressionable and when they watch television shows of flawed marriages and dating in Hollywood they start to believe this is "normal". One girl finally asked "what is your strategy?"  I thought for a moment "well if I date someone with the same faith, values and beliefs, we will both be on the same page. I believe in following the Bible and by doing so it lays out how we should view our money, how we cope with anger, jealousy and temptation." I began to rant again "By staying true to our faith we will support one another and rely on the same resource for guidance and consistency, the Bible." A student raised her hand and asked if I would only date a Christian? I thought for a moment "well ya, i'm not judging other people or their faith but if I intend on spending the rest of my life with a woman shouldn't we have similar beliefs. I believe in giving more than ten percent of my income to a church or the needy, that would cause a conflict if my spouse didn't want to give away her hard earned money. I believe in volunteering my time and helping others, wouldn't that make it difficult if the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life didn't want to spend time helping others." They were starting to get the picture but I had one last illustration. "Lastly I would never want to date someone who would lead me away from God, I want to be with someone who draws me closer." a cute little girl with a red bow in her hair asked "how do you know if your making a mistake?" I said the first thing that came to mind "Anytime you are being tempted to say or do something physical or verbally ask yourself 'would my future husband/wife approve of this'?"

The reality is I do plan on getting married one day but I also think that person doesn't deserve the rest of me, they deserve the BEST of me. We can make mistakes and God forgives us but the moment we ask Jesus into our lives, we are held to a higher standard, we become aware of his presence and God wants us to rely on him in those times of temptation not our standards or our cultures.The year is almost over and it will soon be 2013, as I promised God the last 7 months of the year, I sometimes hope He puts the woman of my dreams right on my doorstep come January 1st but I realize with this time off that He had some work to do on me, on my heart. I will tell you the same thing I told my students "God has promised me the wait will be worth it, whether it be another month, another year or twenty years. I will wait because that relationship will be worth it." Anything great that God promises is worth waiting for, this is why Jesus promised us an eternity in heaven.

I pray if you are single and reading this that you question your own dating life. Should I be dating right now, does God want me to date? If so, how does He want me to date, what type of person does He want me to date? He will lead you to the person you are supposed to be with. I pray for my future wife every night, knowing well that I may have to wait years before meeting her, if I haven't already. I do this because I hope she is praying for me too and I find comfort in knowing that she will have to pursue God with all her heart to receive mine.

Click "Like" on the Facebook Tab below if you think people need to hear this message. Also if you have any comments, responses or if you need prayer for anything please feel free to me at MyGenerationMinistry@gmail.com  God Bless and thanks for reading!