Sometimes when God gives us choices we make the wrong one. Since my last blog I have had people ask me how do you know if you are choosing wisely? This of course is a loaded question that I could write a book on but for time sake I can tell you how I chose wisely.
As humans we are conditioned to be desired. From the minute we pick our first crush in middle school or in my case first grade, we long for acceptance and to be in relationship. Unfortunately, along the winding road to marriage we get mixed up with emotions, hurt, cheated or stepped on and we often end up with a bruised heart. I have made many mistakes while dating. I haven't always had pure intentions and treated women with the respect they deserve but then God got a hold of my heart and I started reading what His word said about relationships. He started showing me that I had to hold myself to a higher standard than I was letting myself. God also began showing me that I had been holding on to my past. Every time I would start to feel like I was turning a page, satan was in my ear whispering...."remember when you did that, you'll always be that person". I would sadly agree. I remember one time in church I heard a message on dating and purity and listening to people talk about their conviction and how they were thankful they were virgins when they married and my only question was what if you weren't? Would someone be real enough to tell you how to heal from those regrets? Not in church, not on a blog..... why not? Could God still bless a screw up like me with a Godly wife?
As I prayed about this struggling thought, God began to tell me I was a new creation in Christ Jesus. He spoke to my heart that when I gave my life to Jesus I was no longer the same person. My old ways are dead and gone, my old identity was to be left at the foot of the cross. Scripture says there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus and I stood on that truth. I asked God for his forgiveness and then I learned I had to forgive myself. I then did something that was even harder. I began praying and asking my future wife to forgive me. The pain was almost overwhelming until one day I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to stop praying this prayer and that I have been forgiven. We always want to define ourselves by our past, and if we are truthful, our past relationships usually end in pain, otherwise they wouldn't have ended. So now I began asking myself, "Lord, how do I avoid the pain?"
First I had to establish my worth as a person. I also had to make up a list of things that were non-negotiables, meaning there were going to be things in my future wife that I was unwilling to compromise on. The first priority was that she had to be a Christian. I've had people give me some pretty weird looks when I tell them this but it make sense for many reasons. The first being that it is in the Bible. 2 Corinthians says "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" To be unequally yoked in my faith would mean more than not going to church together on Sundays. A Yoke is a harness around two mules that allows them to plow a field in sync with one another. If I were to marry someone who was not passionate about the same things that I was passionate about then I would not be able to live out the calling God has placed on my life. This made me think of a few years ago when I asked a devout 86 year old christian that lived in the nursing home I worked at if she had any regrets about who she married, she said "I was married 52 years and was faithful to my husband but if I could go back I would have chose a Christian....like a real Christian."
If choosing a life partner is the most important decision of my life than I need to make sure I choose someone who has the same fundamental belief that I do. Someone who can push me closer to God rather than steer me away. Someone who can encourage me when I am struggling in my walk. Nowadays it's easy to peg anyone as acceptable. We give up too easily and lower our standards. We compromise. That doesn't mean every person I dated in my past is a bad person. If i'm being honest, every single woman I have ever been in a relationship with was an amazing person with a good heart. But just because they have these great qualities does not make them the right person to be my wife.
God sees years into your future, He knows what your going to be like as a father, a mother, a grandparent and He has a purpose and plan for your life and so often we try to see what fits in the present not knowing it won't fit into our future. One thing I strongly believe is the idea that if you have a strong faith in Jesus, then you need to find someone with a strong faith in Jesus. Perhaps you are reading this and you don't even have a relationship with God but would love the qualities that a Godly man or woman can bring into your life. Or you are finding yourself dating the wrong type of man or woman all the time and it's time to try a different way. Perhaps it's time to let the one who created you pick your mate. Would you be willing to let go and let God take control of this area of your life? I did, and it paid off.
To be continued....
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