This past week has been one of the worst weeks of my life. I was hungover. No, it wasn't from drinking. I was hungover from my 5 day mission trip to Haiti. I got home last Sunday at 11pm and went straight to bed, I started my new teaching job at 7am the very next day. Throughout the week I had headaches, I was grumpy, tired and my anxiety was through the roof. Some people came back from our trip and experienced a spiritual high, not me. I've never felt more out of wack. I was unhappy, I was struggling to find joy at my new job and worse, I felt disconnected with God. I promised I would write a blog post everyday in the month of September and as a result of my hangover, I pushed all priorities and obligations aside "i'll get to that later" I thought as I spent the entire 1st day of September watching football.There are no quick fixes to a hangover!
Since I returned from Haiti I have been trying to make sense of a lot of things. It began when I started my new job. I was privileged to begin a new teaching career at a middle school but on my first day of school I found myself going off on every class, letting them know just how privileged they are to be in my classroom with electricity and air conditioning, poor kids! Then I preceded by spending two days showing the kids pictures and videos of how kids their age live in Haiti. I found myself getting frustrated trying to get the class to pay attention and be excited about learning. I began questioning my new career "where is God in all this?"
While in Haiti I prayed for God to call me to be a missionary. I pleaded "If it's your will God please call me to move to a country like this and help the natives" I immediately knew it wasn't my calling, as I wrote in my journal that night I saw clearly in black and white what God has called me to do. God is calling me to be a missionary in the United States. The reality is that God was more real in Haiti than in the United States. As I will share in future blog posts I witnessed people relying on God on a whole new level. We question Gods existance if we don't get that promotion at work, if our broken relationships don't work out, if we worry about how much we are going to live on in the future. These people in Haiti had their prayers answered if they got to survive another day. Think about that for a moment. Imagine asking God "please just give me one more meal Lord, please give me a tent to put over my head, please provide me with water God, I thirst." And God continues to answer their prayers daily, millions and millions of prayers daily. How big are your problems? What has God done for you lately? Ever wonder if there is a God, I beg you to go on a mission trip and argue that there isn't a God. He was everywhere in Haiti!
I experienced a God that I never got to know here in the United States, one that was evident and a God that people depended on daily not just when their luck was down. I was scared to return from this trip because I gained a courage that I have never known. I thought I had it all together, I thought my faith was bullet proof and then I experienced people who relied on God to provide for them daily. Jesus wasn't just a name there, he was a hope, a way of life that provided millions of people with happiness and more smiles than technology, drinking, concerts and sporting events can provide here. Even as I type this I sit in fear because my hangover is starting to wear off and I can see God revealing what He wants me to do with my life, with my short existance. I left for Haiti excited for all the lives I was going to touch, never considering all the lives that were going to touch me!!
My first week teaching may have been awful but I got through it and the very last period of class Friday all 15 of my students gave me a group hug and said "We love you Mr. White" and that was all the confirmation I needed to know that I was right where I am supposed to be. That hug released all the confusion and doubt I had experienced all week. Remember, although God may seem silent in your life He is NEVER absent! God is with the rich and he is with the poor. I learned during my trip to Haiti that some people who had nothing were richer than I, because they got to experience Gods love in a bigger, more meaningful way! I have never had to pray for God to let me live just one more day, i've never experienced that pain but now that I have witnessed that kind of power, that kind of grace, I can't help but share it!
Since I returned from Haiti I have been trying to make sense of a lot of things. It began when I started my new job. I was privileged to begin a new teaching career at a middle school but on my first day of school I found myself going off on every class, letting them know just how privileged they are to be in my classroom with electricity and air conditioning, poor kids! Then I preceded by spending two days showing the kids pictures and videos of how kids their age live in Haiti. I found myself getting frustrated trying to get the class to pay attention and be excited about learning. I began questioning my new career "where is God in all this?"
While in Haiti I prayed for God to call me to be a missionary. I pleaded "If it's your will God please call me to move to a country like this and help the natives" I immediately knew it wasn't my calling, as I wrote in my journal that night I saw clearly in black and white what God has called me to do. God is calling me to be a missionary in the United States. The reality is that God was more real in Haiti than in the United States. As I will share in future blog posts I witnessed people relying on God on a whole new level. We question Gods existance if we don't get that promotion at work, if our broken relationships don't work out, if we worry about how much we are going to live on in the future. These people in Haiti had their prayers answered if they got to survive another day. Think about that for a moment. Imagine asking God "please just give me one more meal Lord, please give me a tent to put over my head, please provide me with water God, I thirst." And God continues to answer their prayers daily, millions and millions of prayers daily. How big are your problems? What has God done for you lately? Ever wonder if there is a God, I beg you to go on a mission trip and argue that there isn't a God. He was everywhere in Haiti!
I experienced a God that I never got to know here in the United States, one that was evident and a God that people depended on daily not just when their luck was down. I was scared to return from this trip because I gained a courage that I have never known. I thought I had it all together, I thought my faith was bullet proof and then I experienced people who relied on God to provide for them daily. Jesus wasn't just a name there, he was a hope, a way of life that provided millions of people with happiness and more smiles than technology, drinking, concerts and sporting events can provide here. Even as I type this I sit in fear because my hangover is starting to wear off and I can see God revealing what He wants me to do with my life, with my short existance. I left for Haiti excited for all the lives I was going to touch, never considering all the lives that were going to touch me!!
My first week teaching may have been awful but I got through it and the very last period of class Friday all 15 of my students gave me a group hug and said "We love you Mr. White" and that was all the confirmation I needed to know that I was right where I am supposed to be. That hug released all the confusion and doubt I had experienced all week. Remember, although God may seem silent in your life He is NEVER absent! God is with the rich and he is with the poor. I learned during my trip to Haiti that some people who had nothing were richer than I, because they got to experience Gods love in a bigger, more meaningful way! I have never had to pray for God to let me live just one more day, i've never experienced that pain but now that I have witnessed that kind of power, that kind of grace, I can't help but share it!
No comments:
Post a Comment